July 1, 2006

  • Vietnam (A)

    Jet-Lag sucks.


    Back from Vietnam, once again in America.


    One worded summarization? Experiences.


    A world of a difference than America, Vietnam definitely has an aura of it's own. Although greatly changed since the great government renovation starting in 2000, it still has much to progress. However, the trip was nothing short of amazing. Pictures are going to be delayed, I am missing my cord.


    Hookers, and Beggars no longer line the streets like ants at a picnic, the government has been working to stop that for the past few years and their changes are very noticable. However, there is still a street walker and a beggar here and there, the beggars(usually a little kid) whom I usually gave 50k Dong (4$USD), a bowl of street noodle soup was around 3-4k, to feed the kid for a few days. They wore no shoes, cut-up dirty feet, with rags on their backs. Beggars have it easy here in the US.


    Traffic. WoW. Mopeds are crawling full of people carrying from things like bags of groceries to families of 5!! Weaving in and out of traffic, in and out of lanes, and between and in front of cars. Traffic signs? Smaffric Signs! Traffic lights? Smaffric Lights! People here do no pay heed to such time wasting signals, they get to where they're going as soon as they can. Total accidents I saw in my 2 weeks stay? 0! Not a single one. It is amazing to see something so seemingly chaotic to run so smoothly.


    What about Traffic police? They are spotted on random corners, sometime with a moped of their own, most of the times with just a whistle and a stick. They see something they don't like? They blow their whistle, and the person they point at usually does a U-Turn and comes back to them. Punishment? Usually fined and ticketed on the spot, cops usually pocket some of it in return. However, traffic is quite self sufficient.


    Crime? There is barely any. Out of the dozen or so cops I saw, not one wielded a gun. All of them had a pair of handcuffs, a stick, and a whistle. These guys aren't large muscular men by any means, they were the typical 5'5"-5'6", 120-130 lb. Vietnamese Man. Deterrence? Not imposing by any standards. Even the security gaurds at the clubs I went to while there were larger. However, even with little means of enforcment, crime is ridiculously low. Crazy? Absolutely. Impossible? Absolutely not.


    Speaking of Crime, my buddy's ex-girlfriend's Best friend was just recently raped/murdered, along with her boyfriend in a generally pretty safe neighborhood in a part of houston (Anna's house childhood house is there, where her brother/sister currently resides). The accomplices were 4 men armed, and 1 woman who carjacked the vehicle with the 2 unfortunate victims inside, who were both disposed of after being violently mistreated. All 5 were from Lousiana after Hurricane Katrina. My friend is now going around grabbing signatures for petitioning to force all those from Lousiana to return, or something to do about the sudden 25% increase in violent crime incidents the police has been recieving since Katrina victim migration. I think all of you that know me well know where I stand on the subject of rape. Forgiveness isn't exactly one of my best suits especially when something permamnent has been done within the means of harming innocent people. My advice? Let's hang them up by their fingers, partially remove to expose their intestines, and let them stay there for the number of days it would take for their worthless piles of meat stop twitching. Graphic? Sure. Justified? In my opinion, Absolutely.


    If I had update this more often, and more people read my blurts like back in the day, I'm sure there are those that disagree with me. Alas, my opinion is just one of billions around the world, just a drop in the ocean, but I stand by it. Anyhow, my condolensces to the victims, who could've just been any of us who could've in that neighborhood. I hope the 5 suffer, and best wishes to the victims' families.


    Back to vietnam...


    Cheap. Man is food cheap here. You all know I live to eat, and although half the food in vietnam is better in america, the other half is better in vietnam. Spices, herbs, and ingredients are of course different then the usual in america, which makes it all a unqiue experience. I had the chance to try watersnake, but I have had rattlesnake before, so not too big of a tale. I missed my chance to eat large hand-sized scorpions and dog (which I heard tastes like pork). I wasn't able to find the cart of friend bugs like I wanted irregardless of the miles and miles of walking I did around town. Fruit, DAMN! is GREAT!. Everything from pineapple, grapefruit, longans, lychee, durian, to jackfruit are Amazing. It completely puts america's standards to shame. No one should ever have a problem fulfilling their 3-5 servings of fruits/veggies a day with this kind of quality. Seafood = Superb. Did I mention they were all CHEAP? Overall, the epicurean experience was awesome (A+).


    Massages usually run for 1-2$/minute in america. Vietnam? 75 Minutes for 7-10$. Whoa! Unfortunately I only had a chance to partake in this crazy deal once. I wish I could've done it again.


    As for girls/guys? Sorry ladies, but vietnamese guys aren't known for their good looks (minus this one ). For the most part, they are mostly short, skinny, and frankly just ugly. It was wierd walking into a club/mall/bar and see barely any competetion. For the guys? Heaven. MOST of the girls here have slender, hourglass bodies, yes, even the ugly ones. I think it is impossible for a guy to come here and not be able to find himself a gorgeous wife. Green-cards are a quite desired commodity. However, most of the beautiful ones come out at night. There are some unfortunate asian things that I saw. Many, and I mean Many, very cute/pretty/beautiful girls have nasty looking older(15+yrs) men's arms wrapped around them. Hookers? Maybe, maybe not. But definitely not a common sight in america. I have heard the tells, but now I have actually witnessed it. Jealous? Hell no, I have an amazing girl. Sad? Yes, most of them wear fake smiles that quickly dissappear when the geezers weren't paying attention. But that is life, misfortune.


    I can hear what some of you are saying now. What about all the ugly girls Tri? They need loving too! Why are you only caring for the good looking ones? They could be bitches for all we know! Blah blah blah blah blah. I have heard it all ladies and gents, but frankly, this is my blurt, and I say what I wanna say. I know how to treat a lady, and I know how to treat her damn well (ask Anna). Sexist Smexist. In the end, everyone wants a good looking mate, with a personality to boot. In a country just chockful of beautiful girls, there are many humble, sincere, intelligent, and very fun ladies.


    For my buddies, don't let the old men thing let you down. I have met much more than my share of some very attractive ladies (college girls), who are single and a blast to talk with. If I had been single, there would be much more to my tale. Moral of story? Vietnam is full of ugly dudes, and just brimming full of the most beautiful girls the world has to offer, green cards are highly sought after, and many girls are single. So... what are you waiting for?? Brush up on vietnamese, and hit the clubs/bars/malls.


    For my lady friends, did you know these dudes are willing to pay 25-30k USD$ just to marry you? You just have to live with them for a year after being married to them, then divorce at will. Rinse, Repeat.


    The bars/clubs are are very different. To have a club with a dancefloor, you must have a government liscense in which they take a cut of the profit that club makes. So many clubs create a loophole to keep all the money for themselves. They create "Bars". By placing tables all throughout the club, it becomes a bar, therefore no liscense is needed. To get into this "Bar/Club" you will need a table. Without a table, you cannot have a spot inside. Thanks to my good buddy Alex, as well as to his friends, they have their network all over Saigon's clubs, and a table is gauranteed as we appear. You drink and dance around your table. See someone you like? Go over to their table and offer them a drink, then continue to do your thing over by their table or bring them back to yours. If you purchase whole bottles (that's how we did it) instead of just drinks, you get the complimentary fruit bowls, which ROCK! (Read fruit blurt above). They go very well with drinks, and puts a different flavor, and something to munch on in down times. Have bottles left over? Grab a card with the Club's Sig and save your bottle for next time. Over the course of the weeks, I think it was around 14-15 bottles reserved at over a handful of different clubs. From vodka, to cognac, to rum. I like this type of clubbing much more. Plenty more personal, and definitely a lot more interactive. Did I mention there were 3-5 guys at all times watching our tables, re-filling drinks, ice, and fruit? Number of servers are varied, the more you spend, the more servers you get. I usually see most tables with 1-2. In the end? A BLAST at "Clubbing" in Vietnam.


    Anyhow, I hope I can knock the F out now. Jet-lag is a bitch, but I think it should be gone within a couple of days. More on vietnam later... need to find my camera cord...


    Take care, watch your back, and stab any motherf*cker that gets near you. Self-Defense ftw. Godamn I hate rapists...


    Good night, and till next time, Buh Byes.